I’ve been spending way more time on social media than normal lately, both because of the need to publish things like this blog for work and to stay aware of what’s going on with the people I love. It’s a great tool and one of the great marvels of the last two decades. In these strange times, it’s no wonder that people are flocking to it in greater numbers than usual.
The hour each morning that I spend flicking through it these days, though, just isn’t as satisfying as a video call of the same length to my parents. Or even a shorter phone call to my great grandmother, who I can only reach by mail or phone. Social media does a great job at cultivating a large number of relationships at once, but in these days where we cannot see our loved ones face-to-face, what many of us crave is a deeper connection. One thing I discovered while living in Spain for a school year was that you love a city differently when you take time to live in it than you do if you breeze through in four days. My four days in Paris were fabulous, but I did not fall in love with that city quite like I did Valencia or even the small village of Sagunto, where my school was located. Paris was cool, but I actually get a little emotional thinking about Sagunto and Valencia, the relationships formed there, and the good memories made there. Relationships with people are like that. They grow deeper through more focused attention and time. Social media is like the four-day Paris run, but slower, more individualized forms of communication do better at scratching that itch of loneliness tugging at people these days. It’s impossible to give that kind of loving attention to everyone you know, of course. I could not maintain the same depth of relationship with all my church members at once even if I tried. But taking the time to do that with even a few people can go a long way towards a more connected world. When was the last time you hand wrote a letter? There’s something special about receiving a handwritten note, even if it’s from someone who could text you the exact same words or say them to you aloud. Knowing that the other person took the time to sit down, get out a pen, and form those letters can make a person feel. . . loved in a way that receiving a text that says the same thing doesn’t. Even if it doesn’t involve putting pen to paper, I would like to challenge you to try slower forms of communication on a few people whose face-to-face company you miss. It won’t be the same as being physically present, but it’s still more intimate than a passing glance on social media or giving up altogether. Deep relationships are what make us human; they’re what we’re hardwired to do. Let’s not give up on that just because it’s gotten more difficult, but lean into it further in light of the times.
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AuthorJillian Lutes is the youth pastor at West Covina Hills Seventh-day Adventist Church. Archives
May 2020
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